But seriously, I don't know how to get Citronella to not pimp herself all over my blog, I entered her in as the title of this blog, and instead she chose to take over the space above my toolbar. A figment of my imagination, already making decisions for herself! A more proper place for this princess prostitute; she has placed herself pleasantly. I don't know how to use blogger. Anyhow!
I was going to start by just writing about my past couple days or so. Yesterday Monica and I threw a belated solstice bash at her motherfucking hut, if you have not seen it yet I recommend you do it, do it now! http://oneeyedinsights.blogspot.com/2009/01/hut.html
We "hut" a great time! But seriously, this is a bad motherfucking hut, I don't even cuss, seriously, but I am now because that's how motherfucking bad it is, you can stand up inside it, it seats about 8 people, probably more if you wanted, and it has a bench inside. Hut tours can be made by appointment, reservations required. So the solstice went as well as could be expected. We didn't do a dedication this time, which we usually do and I kind of missed it.... Yesterday I was just stressed out about the whole moving to a different state and going to a really expensive college and being poor.
Also, I am having somewhat of an "existential crisis" as Diana put it, or I'm just reconsidering the way I've assumed the world to work, and I was feeling a little lost about the whole thing. I feel better about it today now, I've been reading The Myth of Sisyphus which has kind of helped me make better sense of what I'm feeling... I think my main annoyance/endearment about life is that as of now it's very difficult for me to express myself truly at any moment. This may get better over time, and it's true that I am better able to identify thoughts, but reading The Myth just reiterated this whole idea that the whole search for the absolute "single principle" is the "essenital impulse of human drama". I had forgotten about that for a while. And it's not a very complex idea or anything, but it means a lot to me because I has taken me so long just to realize that universal law for myself, through personal experience and torment!
But who really cares anyway. To me, that is always the underlying theme, that none of it really matters, and all crises are fabrications of some sort, thought legitimate and worthy of being explored. All fabrication. I remember how much I used to value pure mindfullness. Moving through the day action's slowly, peacefully, just experiencing the present moment for what it is, what is has to offer, the infinite multifacetedness, and not projecting anything upon it. I think I forgot that because I've just gotten out of the habit of meditating on a regular basis. I did that today for a good hour, and I must say I feel much more at peace today than usual within the past month or so,,,,,,,, as difficult as it was to sit still for that long. It's always a challenge just to stop and sit, no matter how good it makes you feel, it is very easy to return to the world of the setting sun, so they say. I signed up to do Shambhala level II warrior training this weekend, today. I did Level I a couple of months ago, and it was really amazing to sit still for 6+ hours a day. This weekend is going to be a lot longer than the first training I did, but I'm really looking forward to it, and talking to people at the center, and just letting go of all the murky thoughts that I attach myself to.
WHat?? Hut!
Here are some pictures I drew today for screenprinting, hopefully I will get out soon and start making screens to print. I apologize now if this entry may have seemed erratic, it's night and I'm excited
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Also, I found a bunch of old sketchbook pictures I was going to post up many moons ago, I did most of these in winter of 2007, when I was at MICA. My lovely roommate Nellie inspired me to make art that was just for me. It helped keep me sane while I was there
Goodnight everyone :)
